Lately, a few people have been asking me what my big secret is. They want to know what it is that I work on with my clients that makes the real difference. Identifying the single piece of mental make-up that changes everything… was tricky.
I thought about it all week and this post is the answer I came up with. Enjoy.
(I had no idea what image to stick on this post, so you get another shot I took while on my blogging/skiing sabbatical. Taken on my iPhone after climbing the summit of Treble Cone – 2088m.)
There isn’t a part of our thinking more important or dangerous than the beliefs we hold. Beliefs are the ideas or concepts that we hold in our mind as “true” and they dictate the way we see the world.
Literally. Our beliefs determine what we see, hear and feel around us. Beliefs can also affect what we don’t see, by causing us to delete or distort possibilities that our beliefs do not allow.
When my hypothetical/archetypal client, Jill Entrepreneur, has a firm belief that finding funding for her business “will be difficult”, she is highly likely to ignore the possibilities of easy funding that do exist around her.
It happens for the same reason that Jill, who believes her partner doesn’t love her, always seems to find evidence that supports that belief. In reality, her loyal partner is just a shitty communicator (but deeply in love) and he’s trying hard to let her know.
Jill also believes that she’ll never quit smoking without horrible withdrawal symptoms. She’s tried, only to give up in hours when she’s stricken with shakes, headaches and irritableness. Yet she never stops to wonder why, when pregnant a few years back, she quit without hesitation, drama or pain. For a whole nine months.
There’s a psychological explanation for why Jill was able to quit (temporarily) without withdrawals, but that’s for another post. The point is that even such a thing is proven possible, her present beliefs blind her to that possibility. Her beliefs make it impossible.
Let’s sit around a campfire and get philosophical
Just for a second, let’s get a little fu-fu.
We live in a universe that’s infinite right? The possibility of anything happening, at some point in space and time, is pretty much 100%. In practical terms, crazy stuff happens all the time! In the world of business, people “get lucky” and turn ideas into massive empires, changing the world for good. Just look at the internet and all the big businesses that weren’t even imaginable ten years ago.
There are infinite possibilities out there, which as entrepreneurs, we could be taking advantage of. The only thing that holds us back are our beliefs. When we believe that something is not possible, our brain edits the world so that we can’t see the evidence to the contrary.
Ever left your car keys on the kitchen bench and been sure that they weren’t there? Isn’t it bizarre how you can cast your eyes over that spot at least three times, without ever seeing the keys? That’s the power a tiny belief about where you left your keys has.
Imagine the impact of your beliefs about your potential as an entrepreneur.
When our beliefs start distorting reality, a dangerous pattern begins to spiral deeper and deeper. You get a belief in your head and your brain starts deleting and distorting the evidence that might challenge that belief. From your point of, the belief is proving itself more and more “true” – so your conviction grows. The more you believe in it, the more blinded you are to other possibilities. The limiting belief grows and grows.
All this is a good thing, for positive beliefs. When someone develops a positive belief in karma, for example, they’re likely to start seeing all kinds of examples of karmic payback. The person’s conviction for their karmic belief deepens and their life gets better.
Imagine what happens when a small child get’s told by their school teacher:
“Math isn’t one of your good subjects. Your art is better though…”
This is an innocent enough statement. Variations of this are uttered fairly regularly by teachers. Nevertheless, a statement like this might install a belief in a young child:
“Math isn’t one of my good subjects”
What happens next? The kid will run through the process of confirming that belief and deleting evidence to the contrary.
It’s likely that the kid will grow up to always consider math a “weak point”, even though the belief was formed at age six. It could have been transformed at any point. The worst part? Math will really become a weak subject. The belief will create the reality.
This is the power of limiting beliefs. They lock in limitations in our thinking and make us think that our problems are “true”. A true problem is the worst kind of problem to have.
In my work with entrepreneurs, I’ve run across a ton of seriously limiting beliefs. The same principals of deletion, distortion and long term confirmation were present in all of these situations:
- The thirty-something entrepreneur who believed “If I’m not a millionaire before I’m thirty, I’ll never be one”
- The solopreneur who believed they’d never be able to grow enough to support full time staff
- The blogger who didn’t believed she’d never be able to write a thousand words a day
Working with people who suffer from limiting beliefs can be damn tricky – since, after all, they believe their point of view is “true”.
My solution is a philosophy of hyper-pragmatism. I work with people to access and score their beliefs for “usefulness” not “truth”. After all, us humans have such wildly divergent beliefs that it’s impossible to know what’s true and what’s not. Why not pick the beliefs that make life the easiest or best instead?
“So how’s that working out for you?”
That’s the question I ask my clients, on a frustratingly (for them) regular basis. It may not be statistically probably (read: “true”) that you’ll achieve all your dreams. Nevertheless, believing that it’s simply gonna happen is going to be far more useful and effective. At least you’ll be open to the possibility!
If you want to fast track your entrepreneurial career, getting practical about your beliefs is crucial. What you think is “true” about the world, life and business will always be the biggest influence on what you’re able to actually create. That’s why I focus on how beliefs are working out – rather than how true or accurate they are.
How are your beliefs working out for you? Are they getting you the results you want? Are they opening up possibilities that excite and inspire you?
I find (my own) limiting beliefs are frustratingly hard to ferret out, although results tend to be a good clue. Now and then, when I’m listening for it, I do catch that little voice in my head tossing out limiting beliefs, as well.
Beliefs are so incredibly powerful in business. For example, the amount I am paid has always resulted from how much I believe I should be paid, and how much I believe I’m capable of making. Changing my beliefs was always a more important step than improving my skills, when I wanted to earn more. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for skills – I’m a trainer – but the belief comes first.
Hey Karilee,
Internal dialogue is one of the best places to spot your beliefs at work – always keep an ear out for the limiting ones! They tend to come from those little devils perched on your shoulder – like in the old Warner Bros cartoons 😉
Beliefs can be tricky at times. Even now when I think about success and my beliefs, for example, I feel there are many beliefs that are so ingrained that I don’t even look at them as beliefs, they are just… there.
At the moment I’m pretty happy with my beliefs. I’m moving forward, making progress, but they could always be improved, but I know I’ll reach my goal sooner or later 😉
Hey Henri – you’ve put your finger on it! Many beliefs are so deeply unconscious that it is very very difficult for us to get the perspective required to see them for what they are… just beliefs.
In many ways, this is the whole reason why hiring good therapists, coaches and mentors is so important. You get that perspective that was previously impossible.
Don’t forget that negative beliefs can be comforting as well – they prevent you from pushing against your comfort boundaries bigtime.
The usual == the unscary.
The new == Eeeek!
The good news is that can always be fixed…but you do have to give yourself permission to make that so. And that can take bunches of time….
Thanks for stopping by Barbara! I think you’ve got a good point here. Also, sometimes limiting beliefs can make the lines around your “comfort zone” feel more like 12 foot high walls…
… it’s really just a line in the sand 😉
Timely post Peter Рhaving just spent the last three days at a retreat (virtual) with Pema Ch̦dr̦n learning about how our habitual patterns of avoiding fear hold us back.
Her insights were to touch it gently and face our fears even for just 2 seconds a day and see what happens. I simply love this practice from a spiritual but also a brain-based perspective. Slowly carve away at your self-limiting beliefs and fears while letting your amygdala sleep!
Hey Natalie – I’m loving the new gravatar icon 😀
That sounds like a great concept – kind of like how they get arachnophobic people to handle harmless tarantula for a few minutes. Desensitization to FEAR itself?! I love it!
Hi Peter,
Many years ago in school, I did a report on an obscure sociologist called W.I. Thomas. His famous quote: “If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences.” Basically, how we interpret the situations creates the outcome. I never thought about it until I read his quote. Then I looked back on my life and saw that his words were true. It allowed me to later the trajectory of my life.
In general, we live in a negative, limited belief world that begins early in life. I wish we’d stop doing this to each other and instead say, “you can do anything if you put your mind to it.”
Thx. G.
Hiya Giulietta!
Some people ARE spreading that message… sounds like you’re one of them, but there are more than you think 🙂
very cool.
i love this:
I work with people to access and score their beliefs for “usefulness†not “truthâ€. After all, us humans have such wildly divergent beliefs that it’s impossible to know what’s true and what’s not.
working with the whole ed system… students are helping to redefine – esp how we validate, how we monitor progress – coming up with
1) does it matter
2) is it awesome
both beg to whom…
we spend so much time declaring what success is for others… that’s no longer needed (since we can now personalize via connections the web allows) and certainly not the best route…
reading your stuff – i hear Seth Godin and Carol Dweck and Roger Martin having a conversation with you in my head.
looking forward to following you…
Hey Monika! Thanks for stopping by. That was a very very flattering comment – I’m gonna go blush now 😉
I like your article. My project is just taking too long as far as I see it, just have pick away at it. 🙂
“How’s that working out for you?”
ARGH. Yes, it’s a bloody frustrating question that makes me mutter. But it’s also a very USEFUL question, because if I’m muttering, it means I have something I need to work on/change, and if I’m not muttering – “It’s working GREAT, DAMN YOU!” then I know I’m on the right path.
Well, sometimes. I have a complex path system. 😉
hehehehe I thought this one might get a rise out of you James 😉
Isn’t it cool though, when you DO find a belief that you can genuinely say: “This belief is ROCKING for me!”
… most people have a few of those that it’s worth remembering from time to time.
Awesome, awesome, awesome! I swear, I felt my heart pounding by the time I reached the end. This is nothing I don’t know, but I’ve never seen/heard it explained so clearly.
This belongs on my bulletin board, or better yet, tattooed on my forehead!
And this is fabulous – much better than just trying to convince my brain that what it believes isn’t true. Seems like my brain always wins (or maybe I just believe it does. Aha!), so working around it is a better solution than working through it.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Carole, this is a really nice comment thanks.
I totally count it a success if I can elicit an adrenaline response from my readers… so I’m gonna go pat myself on the back now 😉
Seriously though, forget about truth. It’s not important. Usefulness is all that counts
PS Your brain DOES always win… but its *your* brain, so that means you win too! 😛
Have no idea why my third paragraph came out in italics – I didn’t plan it that way, so there’s no hidden meaning behind the formatting!
Brilliant post. How do you work with clients to identify limiting beliefs they don’t know they have? As with the child who was told he wasn’t good at math, I don’t think he would realize that it was a belief that led to this weakness, so how do you help people realize their beliefs are holding them back as opposed to their talents?
I’ve worked with Peter, so I can say that he easily picks these limiting beliefs out in conversation. Either because I’ve offered it up (“There’s no way I can land THAT type of client…”) or from simple questions that reveal the limiting beliefs quickly.
And if you learn about limiting beliefs, you’ll start to hear them all over. They’re VERY common, and people say things all the time that show how they’ve capped their own potential.
The good news is that the cap can come off 🙂
Good question Justin – you’re going to make me give away another little secret right here:
When a client comes up with a limiting belief statement like “oh I just couldn’t do that” (where I can sense theres a belief at play)…..
I will ask this ONE question, *every* time:
“So what must you believe about yourself to feel that way?”
Notice how I use the word “feel” to take some of the tangible-ness out of it? Already, just the question itself is eroding the client’s adherence to the belief in question.
About half the time I ask this, it’ll illicit a NASTY emotional response from the client because the question connects them with a deeply ingrained belief about self-worth (or lack thereof)… so be careful with this one. Do not attempt at home.
Now here’s a concept I’ve got to work with. Thanks, Peter.
I’m very familiar with the concept and its working, but I must admit that recently I’ve uncovered a cluster of beliefs that are just too bizarrely limiting to comprehend.
And while I’m clever and relentlessly self-observant etc, I find it confounding to notice that this most core belief of mine simply won’t go away. Yet.
Hey Martin!
That’s the thing about any kind of belief-work… even really switched on people (like yourself) can still have really weird, sh*tty beliefs. No one is immune to it!
However, if you’re one of those awesome people, the impact of getting rid of those beliefs is going to be massive. Soon. 😉
Is it happening yet?
Peter another great post – I’ve always been fascinated by confirmation bias – our tendency to notice evidence that confirms our existing beliefs & experience, and to filter out that which would contradict our existing beliefs. What evolutionary purpose does it serve?
On the flip-side, a mate of mine often uses the catch-phrase “Positive thinking – it’s not enough!”. Existing in the space between perceived reality and “objective truth” (whatever that might be) gives us a lot of scope to affect our own behaviour in positive ways – but it won’t help us break the laws of physics…pity.
It can be difficult for people (like me sometimes) who have a habit of thinking in dichotomies, to take on a worldview that allows personal belief so much sway. Confirmation bias + dichotomous reasoning = limiting beliefs OR unrealistic ambition, depending on what experience has taught (how’s that for polarised outcomes!).
Not thinking in absolutes and actively seeking out new possibilities are keys (in my book) to success.
Thanks again!
James
Hi James, thanks for this wonderful and intelligent comment. I think that a rejection of black & white absolutes is an inherent presupposition of the pragmatist belief-system that I’m advocating here.
To truly rock that ideology, one needs to embrace a fairly detached philosophy (which opens the door to all sorts of interesting fu-fu too!). Life is just a ride etc etc 😉
Hey Peter,
Great post. It’s time to change the belief into believe.
Removing the “f” for the fufu, as you would say.
Replacing with a “v” to very possible when you believe.
Hey Marcy, glad you enjoyed this one 🙂
This is now required reading for all the folks coming through my office door for the first time for business counseling – and my students too. Thank you!
Wow Kathy, that’s quite a testimonial. Thanks for the encouragement 🙂
I loved this post. I think I’m going to leave it open and remember to read it every week. So much food for thought here — thank you!