Last week I talked about addictions and this week I’m confessing one of my own. I have a business non-fiction habit, with a voracious psychology addiction to boot. If it’s about the mind, success and commerce… Chances are, I’ve read it.
I’ve been working on this addiction though and I’ve been successful. I’ve managed to cut back considerably, sometimes going weeks without reading anything but fiction.
I’m blowing the whistle today. It’s time to expose self help for what it is – entrepreneurial pornography.
I was on the phone to renegade artist and entrepreneur John Unger last week when the words were uttered: “Self help is basically porn for wannabe entrepreneurs.”
To explain, let’s get a little gross for a second and consider the typical porn addict.
The porn addict isn’t particularly socially skilled. He doesn’t know how to interact with women. Unfortunately (for him) he’s still subject to all the hormones and sexual ambitions that other guys have… he just doesn’t know what to do with them.
Enter porn, gateway to a world of … Well, exactly what this type of guy is looking for. With none of hassle of real interaction with real women.
If we could perform a social experiment on a porn addict, it’d be fun to drop them into the middle of one of the world’s hottest nightclubs. The kind of place that beautiful people go to fulfill the same needs that the addict fulfills through his computer.
My guess is that the porn addict would freak out. It’s always been fear that’s kept him at home, glued to the computer. Fear of failure and rejection. He wouldn’t approach the beautiful women in the club, he wouldn’t charm anyone and he’d go home alone. Back to the computer.
If you haven’t connected up the dots yet, allow me to do so…
When a wannabe entrepreneur reads a business book, they get a rush. Reading about fantastic business is to doing fantastic business…. What watching porn is to… Well, making the beast with two backs. It fulfills a lot of the same needs – but it just isn’t the real thing!
It’s a similar phenomena to the idea-sharing orgasm effect that I’ve talked about before.
In my work clients, I’ve noticed that as entrepreneurs get more successful they tend to read less and do more. Or perhaps they do more and as a result, read less.
Either way, my point is the same. Reading to learn is fine and well, but there is a point where an addiction to self help can start to fulfill ones need to actually do business. It’s the point where you sign off for the day, not because you’ve achieved a lot… But because you’ve read and learnt a lot. It’s the point where, to be frank, you’re using self help and business reading to perform entrepreneurial masturbation.
You’re doing it when you get a quarter of the way through a new book and realize you’ve read all these ideas before and, damn, you’ve been meaning to action them… But instead of doing so, you KEEP READING.
One question: When did finishing books become so important?
Another: When was the last time you read a great idea and didn’t start reading again until it was actioned?
As pretty much anyone will tell you: Porn is a shallow, distorted reflection of just a small part of the dance between real lovers.
Likewise reading anything about success, as exciting as it feels, is but a shadow of the fulfillment that comes through actual achievement.
I don’t need to go into any more detail on this metaphor – use your own imagination.
There are a couple of types of addictions. Heroin is one that should never be indulged, obviously. Food is interesting – it can become an addiction but it’s also necessary. Reading can’t be a cold turkey thing either. Learning and inspiration is important.
Honestly though, when was the last time you learnt something totally new? (Besides reading this blog – yeah yeah, irony is not lost on me.)
Seeking inspiration in books is all good and well if it’s actually creating results. If you want to defend your reading habit as a source of “motivation” then I’d expect your output to rise in direct proportion to the number of books you consume. If that correlation isn’t true for you, it’s time to consider different options.
If you’re a wannabe addicted to business porn, it’s time to get some game. Learn to dance, to charm and to seduce. Learn to hustle, make deals and to ship. Be extraordinary. The only obstacle is fear and you know what to do with it.
Real relations, both sexual and commercial… Are a lot more fun.
Questions for all my extraordinarily clever readers:
What ideas have you read and actioned… And subsequently created awesome and real results?
What great ideas have you read again and again… But still haven’t actioned?
Hi Peter,
While there’s always been something new I’ve learned from most books, the time investment hasn’t compared to actually working on one book cover to cover and talking with people who’ve done what I want to do.
The inspiration for my web design comes from the book Typography for Lawyers… I read it cover to cover and put it into a design, and got results.
Conversely, while books on concepts like positioning are great, it wasn’t until I consulted with James that I developed a true USP. Sometimes we need outside opinions from people who have done what we’re looking to achieve to actually make the connection between theory and results.
What I discovered from the mentoring is that a lot of what am doing now (under-do the competition, focus on why) are actually really good ideas contained in the book Rework… but it took some outside perspective to connect the dots.
In short – books + mentoring is the best way to learn (besides experience). Then you do.
What kills me is people who spend gobs of money on training programs and then never implement them. It’s completely masturbatory.
People use training and education as a way to procrastinate, too. “Oh, I just need to learn about [insert subject here] and THEN I can finally launch my [insert product here].” Again, it’s all daydreaming and no actual dating.
I’m at a point now where I already know everything I need to in order to take my business to the next level (and the next after that). I still read books and blog posts but no way am I going to do an expensive training program when I know I can already achieve phenomenal results with what I already know.
Brilliant post, man, loved it. Just need a kleenex…
I agree Michael and you could also replace coaching for training programs.
I guess the reason why the self help niche / training programs / coaching calls are so popular is that as a collective group we have become lazy – and will keep looking for the magic bullet that will make as successful with little work (or maybe just working 4 hours a week)
Ainslie
Grammar books are wonderful.
“Learning and inspiration is important.”
No, learning and inspiration *are* important.
Actually, Peter’s right. When two words are joined by ‘and’ and used as a SET of words, then ‘is’ becomes the proper grammar to use.
You’re also right, mind you, because you separated the words and chose to use them as individuals but not a set. In which case, ‘are’ is correct.
So I’m happy to report neither of you need to read grammar books. 🙂
I’ve paid for a coach. I even read his book. Maybe I was lucky or maybe I vibrated (heh) him to me, but he didn’t give me a plan. He called me on my shit and acted as a sounding board. With him, I failed twice. But I kept getting back up. He taught me that these self-help authors all mess up, but few let you hear about the falls. They’re too busy shining on their success.
If I’ve done one thing right, it’s getting back up. If I’ve done one thing wrong, it’s doubting my ability to do it again if I mess up again. Self-doubt and fear use my past experience to tell me I’d best not act. But without action, what’s to gain?
Nothing.
And so I keep trying. Pushing. Reading. And yes, sometimes buying. I’m okay with paying for information when I value the source, but I demand an ROI. That return isn’t on the author — it’s on me. I choose what I do with the info, and I can’t say that the things I didn’t act on didn’t help me when I acted on something else. There’s always a lesson. We just don’t always apply it in the fashion we expect. 🙂
Thanks, Peter. Also… Michael, use a cloth. Kleenex sticks. (or so I’ve heard)
I guess you are right actually. The same goes for your website of course.. Ok I am chucking them all out right now. Let’s go make some art 😉
Try a nice cloth hankie embroidered with your initials.
One interesting thing I’ve noticed is that when I action a self-help book about a hobby, I learn really fast whether or not I really enjoy the hobby. Or the business philosophy. Or the visualization techniques. Or the thought-leader. And then I can learn more or quit reading. I love looking at paintings but do not enjoy painting landscapes, for instance. Not as soothing as I’d hoped it would be. The more I learn and practice other things though, the more I love them and hit a “sweet spot” that can be really powerful and incredibly satisfying.
Also, when I take action based on a product or book and it gets me results, I instantly become a more committed fan. I appreciate folks who provide an implementation or accountability system.
You make…a gripping point. (How do I italicize ‘gripping’ for innuendo’s sake?)
…Although, different brains need different food.
Some thinkers function most optimally after observing. Others need to jump into action, fall down, get back up…repeat.
For those addicted to porn though (err, your readers?), this is probably good advice.
Damn..nice analogy!
Been there. While it feels good in the moment, the afterglow dosen’t last long and you’re off for the next fix again.
Thinking you can just dip your toe in everynow and again, to find out that next best strategy, or the 10 new tweaks you absolutely must have, only leaves you wanting more.
Sometimes you’ve got to go cold turkey, as the old saying goes…what the eye doesn’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve for.
Hi Peter,
I certainly think a dependency on self-help books and coaching programs can become yet another excuse not to get started. On the other hand, folks who are prone to start can cull what they need from books and explode onto the scene. I’ve seen both types of people. Not sure it’s the books.
We’re training our next generations to be dependent, to need permission, to be quiet and do what they are told. Folks who can think and take action are seen as dangerous. Anyone who makes a scene in school goes down to the principal’s office or ends up in detention and labeled “a bad kid.”
Are they? Or are they refusing to be molded into dependency?
The longer I live the more I find myself challenging many of the these notions. If we truly want entrepreneurs in the world, then we need to encourage folks of all ages to just go and do it. That’s not what we’ve got.
Some folks do manage to get going despite the system, but their numbers appear to be small given the tweets I read about needing inspiration to start.
Thanks, G.
This is interesting – my experience with the next generation (I have two in my household) is the complete opposite. They’re anything but quiet and dependant, and they go after what they want/need without asking anyone’s permission. In fact, my observations show that the next generation feels pretty righteous and think they’re entitled to a lot. They also go out of their way to challenge the status quo, and many 20-somethings are doing their own thing, not following traditional paths.
If anyone’s trying to mold that next generation into quiet dependency… they’re failing 🙂
I have a lot of books. A lot of business books, a lot of self-help books, a lot of fiction books.
I’ve noticed I don’t deep read – in that I don’t actually absorb and retain most of the information I read. I skim read, scanning lines and going through paragraphs quickly. Especially with biz books. My brain thinks, “I know all this… where’s the new stuff?”
And I’ve noticed when I put down my book for 24 hours, then try to recall the next day what I’ve learned, read or absorbed… I’m pulling a blank slate. Very little is sticking in the sieve of my mind.
I’ve also noticed that when I read fiction, I tend to remember more. I recall what I read yesterday (though vaguely) and as soon as I pick up the book, it all comes back sharply to mind. I also read fiction differently – for fun, in a relaxed state of mind, and slower than other material I might read.
I’ve slowed down on buying business books… I have enough to pass a Master’s degree, if I wanted. There’s not much out there teaching me new stuff. And, as you eloquently mentioned, I’ve read enough to have a lot of work to do – so I should do it or stop reading about it.
Here’s another perspective: being the writer for readers who want to learn. At Men with Pens, I blog about advice for freelancers and entrepreneurs… and recently got tired of repeating the same old information to readers who never seem to apply it. The lack of inaction tapped out my motivation to write more – why bother writing good advice if people just read and do nothing with it?
James, what do you mean no one is putting your advice to practice? Hello? I’m right here. You know my freelancing had become almost non existent during the time I was part timing. My business has been getting better after I poured through your blog again, reread a few posts and applied the advice that was relevant to me and I’m already seeing results.
I don’t read Copyblogger (even though I probably should) but I read MwPs religiously. I listen to almost every interview you do that I can get my hands on. The one you did with Lexi Rodrigo recently was beyond helpful.
Some of the stuff on MwP I’ve taken to heart: I don’t talk about my big ideas any more after you did that post after SXSW. You already know I wrote an entire ebook in a week trying the nose blowing technique Tim guest posted about. Because of you, I know how to I know how to deal with clients who haggle over price.
These are just off the top of my head. Do you need me to go in more detail? 🙂
LOL, that’ll teach me to watch out for generalizations in the heat of the moment! I should’ve written *most* people don’t apply it. Some do, voraciously, and it’s amazing to see them advance in leaps and bounds – like yourself, like Pat Vuleta.
But my experience has shown that you two are of the rare type – so pat yourself on the back… and thanks for reminding me that my advice makes a difference 🙂
Why thank you. 🙂
Samar brings up an interesting point, though, about following blogs, which relates to your point about writing them.
While I respect what many bloggers do, I barely read any blogs. I find the information too technical and too rapid-fire to implement effectively. Sometimes I wonder if this content marketing strat is all it’s cracked up to be. Sure, it can get results for businesses that do it well (so I can’t fault Copyblogger who write from that perspective), but am not sure if it’s how I want to help readers get results.
My implementation pattern is just what I mentioned in the first comment – find something I believe can really help me and work through it. Then I’ll usually get to know the author/designer and implement their direct expertise in a more tailored way.
Everything I do right now can be traced back to a handful of people.
Being hit with rapid fire laser bolts from blogs where I don’t know the author doesn’t do anything but annoy me. I can’t parry that fast.
Exactly. As is Writing itself, Peter…
I read trashy lit. That’s a form of porn in itself no? Hehe.
Don’t know why but I’ve never been able to read non-fiction. I’ve tried over the years. I have a small library of grammar, copywriting and freelancing books – all have been skimmed and not much has been retained. Fact is I hate theory. There has to be an example, case study or a narrative that holds my interest. Otherwise, I buy, skim and never look at it again.
Love a bit self-help wanking from time to time but you’re right if you do it all the time you are never going to get layed
I’ve noticed two kinds of folks: the first type will always fail no matter how cheap or expensive the training they undergo, and the second will always succeed no matter how cheap or expensive the training.
The first group is by far the larger of the two. They will always find a way to fumble the ball and truly believe every time that it’s an accident or they’ll blame something else. The second group always manages to find something good and apply it and make it work, whether the training is low or high end.
The first group treats training as a masturbatory aid and the second as a sex manual, to continue the analogy.
“What ideas have you read and actioned… And subsequently created awesome and real results?”
“It’s all in your head.” Peter Shallard’s home page
What great ideas have you read again and again… But still haven’t actioned?
*The 4-Hour Workweek* Tim Ferris
One is something I am living with, acting on, and finding joy and comfort in (most days). The other is a wildly enticing fantasy (for the kind of work I do) but thinking about it gets me there every time….er, maybe that’s *The 4-Hour Body* which, um, may actually blur the lines between self-help and porn.
Sorry, Peter; if you want to be the hot, inaccessible self-help fantasy … you’re gonna need to make your work less …workable?! ;P
James, I have an observation regarding individuals who don’t act on training, coaching, etc.
After managing, training and coaching employees and clients for 25 years, I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone is at a different state of “readiness”. Some people are completely ready to take action – they are in the reaping stage. To a teacher/coach/ mentor this is the ultimate reward, but we can’t take full credit for it. Many teachers before us have planted seeds within this individual’s mind and heart; we just happened to be there for the harvest.
The reality is that most people simply aren’t there yet; it’s not their time. In this case, we’re planting seeds within this individual that may not bear fruit now, but will at some point in the future. This is the sowing stage.
I still occasionally get frustrated, but then I remember that I’m “farming” and it’s all good.
What ideas have you read and actioned… And subsequently created awesome and real results?
Man I’ve implemented a lot of great stuff that has worked, sales presentations, marketing plans, approaching that girl I want to meet and dating her. Cool!
And for the absolute honest man answer, even though I’m very successful with women, I find more from being lazy, Ill check out and use porn now and then.
However your email is timely as I set a goal to give it up all together, as I just know in my heart and spirit, its wrong, shallow and its like a quick sugar hit, great for about 5 seconds then its a come down. Im stronger that that!
What great ideas have you read again and again… But still haven’t actioned?
The concept of working on higher $$ return activities and outsourcing the less. Also working more hours on the higher $$ return activities for increasing cashflow.
I’ve been comfortable for a while, but now Im clear on my cashflow goals and Im going for it.
Renegotiating, researching my places I will be putting my energy to the creation of an ever increasing average $$ rate.
Cheers
Trevor
I really liked the analogy. I’m just fascinated by how accurate it is.
Thank you
Great post!! Kind of like people who stay in college year after year. They don’t feel confident enough to use what they already have. You don’t have to get it perfect. You just have to get it started.
Hilarious but true. Great post. I look forward to following your blog.
So very glad a dismissive, narcissistic jerk like yourself is no longer a therapist. Please stay away from human beings that actually need help. Thanks.
Actually, I’m very much still seeing clients. I’d even recommend you seek professional assistance, although I suspect even my terrific skills wouldn’t be a match for the extent of your disfunction.
I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for Gerry! 🙂
I could have written this. So true. I’ve been self-employed for four years now. I’ve been reading less and less business books, because when I start reading I get all these new ideas in my head. Then I don’t know what to do with them. Point is everything I need right now is already there. I don’t need more new information, only when I’m struggling with something as I’m doing it. “Hm, how do other people do this?”
As for courses and coaches, the best ones are those where you don’t implement afterwards, but on the spot. I have an online course and a one-on-one program and I always make my clients work. Hard. I even tell them on my website: you will have to work hard, this is not a shortcut. There are no shortcuts. Anyone selling you shortcuts, they’re probably lying.